In Which I Tell of a Contradiction
December 12, 2005 | permalink

Clockworks and gears.

Last night I went to a surprise birthday dinner for Smacktalk. Nothing big, just his close friends for dinner. It was organized by his girl, the supremely organized Babs, and held at Artisanal Fromagerie and Bistro. Delicious. You can never, in my opinion, have enough cheese.

At one point in the evening Babs and I were talking about my love life. She asked if I thought I would ever get married again. I had to think about it for a bit, but then I realized that no, I don't think I will. I took the vows I made very seriously; Indeed, I still do. I would never have left my ex-wife, no matter what had happened between us. It just wasn't an option to me. I signed up for life, and I meant it. When things were bad, those vows helped me keep going, and gave me hope that we could work together and make things better.

When she left, it was clear that she didn't feel the same way, and that she was done with our marriage. I let her go. But I don't think that the vows I made are lessened, and I don't see how I could make them again to another. Our marriage is over, and I don't believe that the bad blood between us can be diluted enough for us to be friends, even. Yet I do not feel completely free either. It's a tricky contradiction, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.

Posted in Musings & The Past & Women
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