I've Seen the Sun Set the Sea on Fire
September 14, 2007 | permalink
Well that was a hell of a week.
Even now, only a day and a half after I closed the door on my last truck, it seems hazy and indistinct. That might have something to do with how little sleep there was to be had this season (not that I am complaining, mind you- I got less sleep than ever before, and I was getting off easy. There were shows where a lot less sleep was had than on mine), coupled with the large and then gigantic shows I did, back to back. So, yeah, it's all kind of a blur. But there was one notable highlight.
One night, backstage while the first of my events was going on, I had a very stereo-typically male conversation with The Sorta-Rican. Not stereo-typically male in its subject matter; we weren't talking about tits and ass. What I mean is, it was kind of an emotional conversation, but conducted with gigantic under-statement. It really struck me later how much was being left unsaid, though at the time there was never really a question about what we were talking about.
The gist of the spoken conversation was this: He is seriously considering leaving the business and doing something else, and he was saying that he didn't want me to feel like I was being left in a lurch (he is my number one guy, as they say). I assured him that this wasn't the case, and that I would be thrilled for him to find something that he liked better, and that was pretty much the end of it.
What was really going on though, was more like this: He was asking me if we were really and truly friends, or just work friends, and he wanted to know and be prepared if we were going to not see each other socially, because he doesn't really have a lot of people that he feels close too; he counts me as one of them, but if he's wrong, he wanted to know. He's not wrong- I count him as a brother, in every sense of the word, and I made sure that he knew that I loved and respected him and wasn't going to drop him like a hot potato. And all of that happened without any of it being said, and we both knew it.
The vast amount and great subtlety of information that can be contained within a superficially inane conversation between two people who know each other well is truly amazing, isn't it?
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that's nice. except for the leaving-the-biz part. That's crap. I understand, but I refuse to like it.
that's such a difficult conversation to negotiate. it's easy enough to say "hey, we're not going to be forced to see each other any more at work, are we still going to hang out?" and the other person says yes, of course - but it's not usually genuine. (um, at least in my experience. i've been wrong before.)
knowing that you have the kind of relationship with someone where that nonverbal subcommmunication says as much - more - than what's being said out loud- that's treasure. and something you can rely on far more than the words that might be thrown around.