The Promise of Shadows
September 23, 2007 | permalink

My ex-wife got married a few weeks ago.

I found out about a week ago, at a bar, from a mutual friend. He let it slip because he thought I knew already. Apparently, a lot of people thought I knew. My sisters The Rockette and The Star both knew, but didn't talk to me about it because they thought I knew already, and was keeping it from them. I found that out yesterday.

I felt... weird, is the best I can come up with, about it at first. Not exactly sad, not angry or betrayed, not exactly happy for her; but some strange combination of those emotions, and maybe more besides. It was a little confusing, and I felt a little dazed, for a bit. It was truly a unique sensation, and I am not altogether sure I could describe with any fidelity.

The next morning, when I woke up, that confusing, dazing emotion was gone, and I realized that what I felt was a little bit of relief, and a little bit of lightness. For a long time after we split, we each remained the focus of the other's emotional life, only in terrible, hurtful ways. A little under a year ago, we had a civil, honest discussion for the first time in I don't know how long. There were several others after that, and it seemed to me that we had reached a truce, and maybe a little bit of understanding. We haven't spoken in months, and I didn't (and don't) expect that we will again. Our emotional lives are no longer connected, and I am glad for it.

That is not to say, Gentle Readers, that I am not happy for her; I am. I bear her no ill will. But we tore each other apart, once upon a time, and we will never be friends.

Posted in Musings & The Past & Women
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