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Tiny Little Fractures
June 23, 2008 | permalink

You see the bear charm in that picture? It was the first external element of my bearish persona to come to me, and up until a couple of weeks ago, I had worn it around my neck nearly continuously since 1993. In fact, I can only recall two occasions on which I removed for a period of time longer than that which was required to put it on a new string.

It is no secret that I feel a great affinity for the bear, and it shouldn't surprise you that I hold the bear as my totem and spirit guide, and that I regarded the necklace as a token and symbol of that relationship. When I saw it for the first time, I was unaware of this facet of myself; yet (as corny as this may sound) when I saw it, it really spoke to me, resonating in a way that would take me years to properly understand and put into words. But even if I didn't understand it at first, it nonetheless had a powerful effect on me, and I have had it as a touchstone and reminder of things greater than myself throughout my adult life, through many joys and many trials.

I found it while randomly browsing the wares for offer at a sale some group or other was sponsoring in the Campus Center. They had brought in a bunch of vendors to raise money. You know the type well enough- army surplus, rainbow hackey-sacks, cheap jewelry, black lite posters- the mainstays of college life in the early 90s. I am sure you remember it well. I passed it by at first; I didn't understand or really want to acknowledge the incredibly strong pull I felt towards it. I drifted by the table two or three more times before moving on with my day. However, I just couldn't let it go. My thoughts kept drifting back to it, and at the end of the day I went back to get it.

Only to find it gone.

Let me tell you, Gentle Readers, I was crushed, and I cursed myself for being such an idiot as to pass it by in the first place. Luckily for me, I had been browsing with a friend, who not only noticed my fascination with the bear charm, but bought it for me after I left. It was presented to me the next day, after I relayed how much of an idiot I felt like for letting it go. (It was, I gathered, to have been a birthday present, but I was apparently so morose it was given to me on the spot...)

And, as I said, I have worn it ever since. Until I lost it a couple of weeks ago.

I noticed, in the middle of a load in, that the bit of wire that held the bear to the string had snapped sometime during the day. It was pretty much the perfect top off to what had been a supremely craptacular day, and while I tried to tell myself that I would find it, I knew the truth of it, and to say it bummed me out would be a very large understatement.

So, what is one to do, when one's totem goes missing? I thought about replacing it with as close a copy as possible, but that didn't sit right with me. I even have another bear necklace that was given to me as a gift. But, while I treasure it, it didn't seem like the right thing to do.

What I finally arrived at was that I could not try to replace the bear with another bear; instead, I decided to make myself a charm that would encompass a different aspect of the bear. Something that paid homage to my totem, but also reflected some of the ways that I have changed since that first bear charm came to me. So, I made myself a necklace with a bear claw as it's centerpoint.

It is very different from the last, and I am quite pleased with it.

Posted in Bad Luck & The Past
(3) Comments

Washed Away
May 4, 2007 | permalink

UPDATE: My clothes have been found. They turned up yesterday at the laundromat, having been given out to the wrong patron. Which is a big relief. Why it took them so long to bring them back and correct the error, however, is a mystery to me.

The laundromat lost my clothes.

I'm not talking about a couple of items here; I mean the whole bag, three weeks worth of clothes and assorted sundries like towels and handkerchiefs and pajamas. The bag was thirty five pounds of laundry, give or take, and I'm sure you won't be surprised when I tell you that it represented the vast majority of my wardrobe. Not to mention that of course all of the clothes that I like best were in there- the things I am least fond of I left to wear last.

I was at the Laundromat for close to two hours last night, helping them look. They are very nice people over there, and I have been going to them with my washing for years. We had several theories about what the problem could be. It's possible that my bag ripped, and so was replaced with one of a different color, and if that was the case my laundry was just hiding in plain sight. (No such luck.) Or, it could be that it mistakenly was loaded in the delivery van, and would show up when the delivery guy, who was due soon, showed up. (The van was empty.) Maybe it fell behind something? (Nope.)

By the time I left, the owner, her sons and I pawed, examined, and opened every single bag in the place. None of them were filled with my clothes. The only plausible alternatives tot he clothes still being in the laundromat somewhere that still eludes us all are that either a) someone was mistakenly given (or mistakenly took) my bag instead of their own, or b) someone purposely gave away (or took) my bag in addition to their own. In the first case, I can't imagine why they wouldn't return with my clothes to exchange them for their own clothes, and in the second, well, I just don't get it. I am not, Gentle Readers, that snappy of a dresser that someone would covet my clothing.

I left without any real resolution. They were going to continue to look today, and go through the claim tickets of the bags that have been picked up to see if there were any clues as to my laundry's whereabouts. I took the initiative and made as accurate a list as I could of what was in the bag, and what it would cost to replace it all ($568.50, as I figure it) so that tonight when I go in and they still haven't found it, I can have a conversation with them about reimbursing me for my clothes.

What really sucks is that by the time I go to sleep on Sunday, I need to be packed for a two week trip to Santa Monica, where I am being dispatched to look after The Boss' interests in a fashion show we are providing the design for. So by Sunday afternoon at the latest I need to be buying more clothes. I have less than a weeks worth of stuff right now, and like I said, most of it is not clothes that I am particularly fond of. If I weren't going out of town, I would try to stretch it out a while, doing laundry often and wearing the same things for a couple of weeks, but I don't think that I can show up in Santa Monica, representing The Boss, looking like a schlub in the same three outfits.

I expect that the Laundromat will not want to give up on finding my clothes so quickly, and I am going to have to rebuild a significant portion of my wardrobe out of my own pocket. My fear it that I will lay out a few hundred dollars this weekend, and then they will find my bag while I am gone, so I'll be left high and dry.

Grrr....

Posted in Around New York & Bad Luck & Random
(3) Comments

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