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The Music is the Message
August 13, 2008 | permalink
Good morning, Gentle Readers.
Today is my debut on The Music is the Message, a collaborative music blog. So please head on over and check it out, and while you are there take a look at my co-conspirators: Boo (A Girl Named Boo), Felicia (My Boring Life), Jez (Southshore Ramblings), Kelsi (This Could Take a While), TK (Uncooked Meat), and Ervie (Architecture Everyday).
I will be posting there about once a week, but there is a post by someone in the group just about every day, so check back there often...
Posted in Blogging(0) Comments
The Gala Event
May 30, 2008 | permalink
I had dinner with the internets last night!
Okay, not with all the internets; just with some of my favorite people on the interntes. Curly, Jess, A Lover and a Fighter, Kelsi and I had dinner at Supper. It was, as expected, lots of fun. We laughed, we cried, we drank too much, and we offended the wait staff. Possibly. (We're not sure if the hostess heard the unfavorable comparison to Amy Winehouse or not, but , so we will go with yes, just in case).
The really great part about it, to my mind, was the fact that I was sitting there having dinner with these four fabulous people that I would not have ever met were it not for the internet. It wasn't so very long ago that one's social options were limited to schoolmates, co-workers, family, and maybe a group one degree removed from your immediate acquaintances. That's not really a lot of people (nor, I think, was that relatively close-knit group likely to have been terribly diverse... but that is another issue).
In any case, those times are past, and I was able to have dinner with a group of people that I am terribly fond of, from all over the country, whom I would have never crossed paths with in a less technological time.
Good job, internet....
Posted in Around New York & Blogging & Social Life(2) Comments
Looking at the World Through a Windshield
May 27, 2008 | permalink
Good morning, Gentle Readers.
There have been lots of changes around here. Many of them you can see- the new layout and new look, of course, being most prevalent. And I think the tone of it all has changed, though that line may be more clearly drawn in my head than it seems here on the page, with only these few recent entries for you to process. I think that will become clearer in time.
There are a lot of changes that you can't see, too; changes under the hood, as it were. I took the opportunity of the redesign to upgrade to Movable Type 4.1 (I had been running 3.2). I had been putting it off, since the upgrade from 2.5 to 3.2 was a horrible experience for me, but since I was tearing the whole thing apart anyway I figured I may as well go all the way. It went quite swimmingly, I must say.
One of the big reasons I switched were the far superior spam control tools in 4.1 (as opposed to 3.2). I don't know about any of you, but I get hundreds of spam comments a week, and clearing them out is a real drag. I have been leaning toward a 'Registered Users Only' comment policy for a while now, which I am ambivalent about. On the one hand, I don't like the idea of any closed system or forum; I far prefer a free, open, and easy system for the exchange of ideas. But on the other hand, I am damn tired of stemming the tide of casino and viagra and dating ads.
So, after much consideration, I will soon be turning off the totally open comment system, and switching to the open-est closed systems I could find. Basically, all you have to do is prove that you are a real person with an email address to get through the first stage and leave a comment. After that, you just have to not post a bunch of crap advertisements.
So, starting on June 1st, in order to comment you are going to have to either register as a user of UrsineCalamity.com, or have a TypeKey identity. I am sorry to impose such a thing, but really, I just can't stand the spam.
Thanks for your understanding!
Posted in Blogging(0) Comments
How Did We Get This Far?
May 9, 2008 | permalink
Hello, Gentle Readers. Remember me?
You may recall, many moons ago, that I wrote about how this blog had served its original purpose, and that I needed to strike out in a new direction. I realized that I no longer needed to exorcise the darkness so much, because there was much less of it in me. And this left me a little short on inspiration. I had been writing with that purpose for so long, I wasn't sure how to proceed in a more positive light. Kind of funny, eh?
Of course, like most things we (or at least I) look for too hard, it was right in front of my face the whole time. I have spent the last several months consumed by baking, brewing, herb growing, and cheesemaking. I have awakened to how much happier and more satisfied I am when I am consuming things that I have made with my own two hands. I realized how very badly I want to eventually raise everything I eat. I have a real life goal, which is something I have been operating without for a long, long time. It's a nice feeling.
That is not to say that I am going to become a one story pony; I still have plenty of really fucked up stuff going on with The Old Man, and there will still be my random observations about whatever strikes my fancy. Just in case you were worried.
See you soon, Gentle Readers....
Posted in Blogging & Musings & Out of Town(2) Comments
The Waves at Night
February 19, 2008 | permalink
I realized this week why I have been having so much trouble writing here lately.
It's not that I don't want to write- I most certainly do. And it's not that I am burnt out on the internets, or blogging, or any of the other internal things that sometimes causes a writer to stop writing in the public forum, though I did examine that possibility. The problem I have been having, Gentle Readers, is that the reason I started this blog is no longer valid.
Wait, that's not quite right. What I really mean is that it has served it's purpose, and helped me to air out a great deal of the darkness that was in me. Now that that has been done, I have to approach it, and the writing, in a different way. Which I haven't been doing, because it took me a while to catch on.
I am not saying, by the way, that there is no darkness left; those of you that have been with me for a while must know that that would be very unlikely. What I am saying is that it is no longer the driving force in my life. Which is a pretty fucking awesome realization, let me tell you.
So I need to strike out in a new direction, or at least have a new focus. And I am not sure what that will be. But I think now that I have stopped approaching it in the old way, the defunct way, the words will flow and the direction will become clear.
Thank you, Gentle Readers, for coming along for the ride thus far, and for continuing on with me.
Posted in Blogging & Musings(1) Comments
Never Said
December 2, 2007 | permalink
Hello, Gentle Readers... It's been a while, hasn't it? More than two months, which I believe is the longest break in my writing to date. Which really was not a good idea. I let myself forget how much of a stabilizing and sanity inducing influence this writing is, and only now looking back at the last couple of months do I see how much I probably would have benefited from being diligent about writing.
Not that you should get the impression that these last many weeks have been full of unbridled misery; far from it, there have been some really fantastic high points, and I have no complaints about my personal life and relationships. It was the job. I did a gig in October that broke me, and I have been feeling a little less confident, a little less extroverted (or more introverted, I suppose, would be more accurate, since extroversion is not really a strong trait of mine), and a little more passive since then.
The job in question started out fine, but slowly turned into a grueling clusterfuck. Some of it was foreseeable, and just not noticed in time by me (though I am assured that this is far less true than I think it is), some of it unforeseeable, and some of it was just bad luck. Towards the end I reached a real low point, and my morale broke.
I do not mean that I was feeling discouraged, or frustrated, or even depressed; I mean my morale really broke. I gave up. I ceased to be leading the crew, I ceased to be the boss. I ceased to be the motivator and the encourager and the example that a leader is supposed to be. All I wanted to do was slink away and hide in a corner, alone with my misery.
After a few hours (which seemed eternal, I assure you) of despair, I pulled myself together and took charge again, rallying the crew as I rallied myself. Which is good; judging by how crappy I still feel over my temporary lapse, I have trouble imagining how terrible I would be feeling if I had not managed to get my shit together and salvaged that job.
I have never, in my entire life (which, if you have been reading, you know has encompassed some difficult challenges) felt so completely defeated and broken. And frankly, I would not have believed that I could feel such despair. I always thought that I was too tough, too tempered by previous challenges. But it seems that I was wrong.
Even now, writing this, I feel a deep shame for having so unequivocally surrendered. Which I suppose is the real reason I haven't written in so long; I didn't want to really admit out loud my surrender and the resulting shame I felt. But I wasn't able to write about anything else, either. It seemed too disingenuous to just let it slide away and not acknowledge it here, to you.
So that's my story, Gentle Readers. And now that I have aired out the room, so to speak, the writing at regular intervals will resume...
Posted in Blogging & Musings & Working(4) Comments
Overpowered by Funk
September 21, 2007 | permalink
I am having trouble, Gentle Readers, getting back in the habit of writing. I have mentioned how disruptive Fashion can be in the past; how it is, for all intents and purposes, non-time for those of us involved (much like the extra days and weeks that the ancients would insert into their calendars as festivals outside the normal flow of the year). This season was worse than others, as I had a gig right before and right after, which effectively made my normal two weeks of fashion nearly a month long. Nearly all of my routines and habits have been suspended, and I feel a little adrift today, as I try to resume living in real time (as opposed to the Fashion non-time).
Of course, all I really need to do to get back in the swing is to actually do the things I am used to doing. Tonight I will bake bread (for the first time in I can't remember how long... six weeks, at least, which is the longest its been since I started in earnest 20 months ago). I am writing this post (obviously), and it is flowing better than I feared it would. Certainly better than the two or three I have tried to write in the last few days. And I am back in the office, and have done some of the close-of-show paperwork that I need to do, instead of drifting aimlessly around my desk. It's an interesting sensation, though... kind of like coming off of a tour, or returning from Spoleto.
One notable absence of my post-Fashion, though, is my customary serious case of the blues, which is nice, to say the least. There is a touch of them, to be sure... there always is, after a big project. But that's really all it has been- a touch. It's a lot better this way, to actually be able to enjoy the feeling of a job well done (even if it was completely life-disrupting), instead of well, not.
Posted in Blogging & Fashion Week & Musings & Working(1) Comments
Call Me When You're Sober
August 23, 2007 | permalink
I've started this post nine times, I swear... I get halfway through, and then fashion rears is hideous, beautiful head, and I can't find the time or focus to get back here for hours or days, and by then whatever I have started writing about no longer seems interesting or important, so I delete it and start over and then fashion rears its hideous, beautiful head, and... well, you get the idea.
So really, Gentle Readers, I suppose this has now become my bi-annual 'I'm sorry I have no time to write, I don't mean to neglect you, it's just that it's Fashion season' post. I will try to write something more interesting soon, I promise.
Posted in Blogging & Fashion Week & WorkingStreet Corner Ambassador
July 31, 2007 | permalink
Some days I just don't know what to write.
Sometimes, of course, I stare at the blank screen and just can't think of a single thing that I find interesting enough to write out even just for myself, let alone for you, Gentle Readers. It doesn't happen too terribly often, though- I have a really low fascination threshold (ooo, bright shiny thing!), and of course I do like expounding on my views and opinions on a wide variety of subjects, as you have no doubt noticed.
What happens more often is that I cannot narrow down what I want to say into any kind of cohesive or sensible narrative. I sit at the screen, positively bursting with things to say, and yet I cannot find the words to express any of them in a way that does any justice to the thoughts in my head. It's especially bad when I am feeling crappy and want to talk about why I feel that way.
Maybe it's because I am not clear, myself, on how to express some of my ideas. Or maybe I have too many things running through my mind at once, and I cannot focus enough on any one line of thought long enough to make it clear to anyone but me. I suppose if I knew the answer I wouldn't be here writing about how I can't write.
Isn't that a fun little paradox?
Posted in Blogging & Musings & Random(1) Comments
Working Man
July 6, 2007 | permalink
I have accepted Kelsi's open invitation to follow suit (here is her list, over at This Could Take a While) and share eight things that most people don't know about me. I tried to be really good about it, and not include anything that I have talked about at length in this forum or with my offline people. So, without further ado, here it is:
Eight Things (Most) People Don't Know About Me
- I took classes in Mandarin Chinese for a few years, and as a result I can communicate in Mandarin out loud and in writing at about the level of a retarded first-grader*. Which, while that sounds pretty lame, is actually really cool, and I wish I had kept up with it. My pronunciation was always atrocious (I never could master the inflections), but my calligraphy did receive praise. If I ever go to China and immerse myself, I may just communicate through notes and pretend to be mute, to avoid undue embarrassment.
- I have all my parts. I have never had any teeth removed, or my appendix, or my tonsils.
- My pinky toes both twist sort of upward and inward, and sit on top of my feet, instead of next to my other toes. More than one doctor has proposed making a couple of little cuts and lengthening the tendons, to make them lie 'correctly,' but I have always refused. I mean, as far as I am concerned, they are just fine the way they are.
- I was once arrested for Possession of Marijuana. No charges were filed, however, and I was released within a couple of hours.
- One quarter of the weddings that I have been to in my life have been my one or the other of my parents'. Seriously. Two were The Old Man's, and one was my Mother's. Trashy? Maybe. But that's just how we roll...
- I spent most of the fourth year of my life pretending to be Batman. And I was whole-heartedly committed to the endeavor- I had a costume and utility belt, and got into all kinds of mischief while I searched for evil-doers around the house.
- I don't fear anything except my own weakness. Unfortunately I see the list of my weaknesses as long and far-reaching, so that covers a lot of ground.
- I put on a decent show most of the time (at least, I think I do... I recognize that I might be deceiving myself on this point) at having my shit together, but mostly I despair that I will ever find peace in my mind and in my heart. I haven't conceded defeat yet, but I'm not as hopeful as I once was. This probably isn't really a revelation to you, Gentle Readers, but with the people I interact with offline I am not quite so open and forthcoming as I am here.
*Apologies to any Mandarin-speaking retarded first graders who may be reading. I don't mean to offend...
I'd pick eight of you to be 'it' and make a list of your own, but I am not sure that I have that many readers (ha ha ha ha). So I invite any and all of you to give it a go. Let me know if you do, I'd like to make sure to check it out...
Posted in Blogging & Random(3) Comments
Sunshine
June 23, 2007 | permalink
Let me tell you, Gentle Readers, I'm glad that's over.
The insanity of the last two months' work schedule, I mean. Between the two weeks in LA, the week and a half I spent on the show at the Public Library, and the two and a half weeks I spent on this last one (a party, for a well known high-end retailer, capped off with a 36+ hour day for me), it has been a hell of a spring. I am very much looking forward to going back to semi-regular, 40ish hour weeks at the office, at least for a little while. It will be quite nice to be able to actually sit down while I have my coffee, to say nothing of being able to be on the internet and the IM, the great distractions of desk work. I will even have time to write here, believe it or not; you don't need to feel neglected any longer.
Posted in Blogging & WorkingNever Said Anything
June 8, 2007 | permalink
Sorry to have been absent for so long, Gentle Readers. I know that the half dozen of you that come here must be terribly distraught at my lack of writing. Or at least mildly disappointed.
I wish that I was about launch upon some great story that would make amends, but I am only jumping in to say I have been insanely busy, and that while I have lots on my mind, I have no time to make it readable at the moment; I am afraid you will have to bear with me a little longer.
Yours in all affection and exasperation,
The Ursine Calamity
(2) Comments
These are the Times
November 2, 2006 | permalink
I met Jess last night. Like, in person. It was a good time- beer and wine were drunk, conversation was had, and tipsiness ensued. It was great to meet her- I've been reading blind cavefish for a couple of years pretty regularly, and I am a big fan, as goofy as that sounds. In fact, Jess' site is the very first one that I began reading on a regular basis, back when I started the first incarnation of this site.
You might find this hard to believe, Gentle Readers, but I'm not the most socially adept person you'll ever meet, and I don't meet a lot of new people; the new people I do meet are people who are working for me. Which isn't awful- They're great, and in truth nearly all of the people that I love best in this world are people that I have met on gigs. People like Turtalia and Waiscoatman and Smacktalk, people that I count as family. But this isn't a thing that most of us do forever; the flexible schedule and the good pay make it a temporary situation for most people, something to do until they achieve some other goal, and they move on. So the average age of my crews keeps dropping, and I find we have less and less in common. So hanging out with Jess, with whom I had things in common with and who was also not in the business, was awesome.
Posted in Around New York & Blogging & Social Life(1) Comments
Good Morning, Starshine
January 5, 2006 | permalink
I can't sleep, so I'm watching Spinal Tap (with the commentary on- it's like a whole other movie that way) and fucking around with templates for the site. All the major work on them is done, I think; just minor tweaks because I'm a big geek. I still have a bunch of pages to work up content for, too (a profile page for one; stuff like that), but I don't feel like working on those just now. Plenty of time for that.
Indeed, Gentle Readers, time is something that I have plenty of. I'm in a bit of a unique situation here: I'm on day fifteen of twenty-eight consecutive days without work. I'm nearly certain that this is the most time off I've had all at once since I started working when I was fourteen. If it wasn't for the holidays, I think I would have already gone batshit. I'm not used to such... leisure (In the twenty eight days prior to this unusual break, I had one day off- this is far more typical of my usual schedule).
Not that I haven't tried to be industrious... I'm cleaning the apartment top to bottom, reorganizing bookshelves and closets, and of course I've been building this site... Jesus, I need a life!
Posted in Blogging & Insomnia & Musings & Working(0) Comments
It's a Brand New Day
July 1, 2005 | permalink
Good morning, gentle readers! Since you are reading this, it means that I didn't completely destroy my site in the process of switching over to Moveable Type. Which is awesome. At least, I think so. The not destroying part, I mean. Well, MT is pretty awesome too... it will automate what I have found to be the most tedious part of maintaining this site; archive management. But
(Continuing Adventures in Fermentation)
(Standing on the Shoulders of Giants)
(Standing on the Shoulders of Giants)
(April 2005)
(April 2005)
(Hellbound Train)